Gaslighting at Work: What It Is And How To Respond

"I never said that deadline was Friday. You must have misunderstood."

"You're being too sensitive about this feedback. Everyone else took it just fine."

"That project failure was entirely your responsibility—don't you remember taking the lead?"

If these statements sound familiar, you might have experienced gaslighting at work. This manipulative tactic distorts reality, undermines confidence, and creates toxic workplace cultures that stifle innovation and drive talented employees away.

This article examines the insidious nature of workplace gaslighting, how to identify it, effective responses when you're targeted, and how empathetic leaders can create environments where this harmful behavior can't take root.

What Is Gaslighting at Work? Understanding the Manipulation

Gaslighting at work occurs when a colleague, supervisor, or organizational culture systematically manipulates you into questioning your perceptions, memories, or professional competence. The term originates from the 1944 film "Gaslight," where a husband deliberately dims gas-powered lights while denying any change to make his wife question her sanity.

In professional settings, gaslighting moves beyond simple disagreements or misunderstandings. It represents a pattern of manipulation with the intent to control, dominate, or deflect responsibility, often leaving victims feeling confused, anxious, and doubting their abilities.

Workplace gaslighting is particularly damaging because our professional identities significantly shape our self-concept. When someone undermines your workplace reality, they attack not just your perceptions but your professional worth.

7 Common Forms of Gaslighting at Work

Gaslighting takes various forms in professional environments. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward addressing them:

1. Denying Conversations or Commitments

A gaslighter claims conversations never happened or distorts what was said. They might deny giving specific instructions, then blame you for not following directions they never actually provided.

Example: "We never discussed that approach in our meeting. I clearly said to focus on market research first. The whole team heard me."

2. Trivializing Concerns and Feelings

When you raise legitimate concerns, the gaslighter dismisses them as overreactions, painting you as emotionally unstable or "difficult."

Example: "You're the only one who has a problem with the new reporting structure. Maybe you should work on being more adaptable like everyone else."

3. Shifting Blame and Responsibility

Gaslighters refuse accountability for mistakes while quick to claim credit for successes. They expertly reframe situations to cast themselves as heroes and others as incompetent.

Example: "The client presentation failed because you didn't prepare the materials I requested. I did everything possible to salvage the situation."

4. Withholding Information

By selectively sharing crucial information, gaslighters set colleagues up for failure while maintaining plausible deniability.

Example: Failing to forward important emails, then expressing surprise when you're unprepared for discussions about their contents.

5. Isolating and Dividing Team Members

Gaslighters often tell different stories to different people, creating confusion and preventing unified resistance to their manipulation.

Example: Telling you one team member criticized your work while telling them you complained about their performance.

6. Rewriting History

Similar to denying conversations, this involves broader revisionism about past events, projects, or performance.

Example: "Your onboarding was extremely thorough. We spent weeks training you on that system—if you're still struggling, that's concerning."

7. Institutional Gaslighting

Sometimes entire organizational cultures gaslight employees through contradictory expectations or denial of systemic problems.

Example: A company publicly champions work-life balance while implicitly rewarding those who work nights and weekends, then tells burned-out employees they simply "need to manage their time better."

The Professional and Personal Toll of Workplace Gaslighting

The effects of gaslighting extend far beyond momentary discomfort, creating significant professional and personal consequences:

Professional Impact

• Decreased productivity as energy diverts to documenting interactions and second-guessing decisions

• Reduced innovation when employees fear proposing ideas that might be later denied or stolen

• Damaged workplace relationships through manufactured conflicts and miscommunications

• Career stagnation due to undermined confidence and sabotaged work

• Talent exodus as capable employees leave toxic environments

Personal Impact

• Chronic anxiety and stress from navigating unpredictable interactions

• Diminished self-confidence that often extends beyond workplace settings

• Difficulty trusting others even in non-work relationships

• Depression and burnout resulting from sustained psychological pressure

• Physical symptoms including sleep disturbances, appetite changes, and stress-related illness

Research from the Workplace Bullying Institute found that 40% of targeted employees eventually leave their positions, with many reporting lasting psychological effects requiring therapeutic intervention.

How to Respond When You're Being Gaslighted at Work

If you recognize gaslighting in your workplace, these evidence-based strategies can help you respond as you are seeking additional support:

1. Document Everything

Create a paper trail that serves as an objective record against revisionist claims. Save emails, record meeting notes, and confirm directions in writing.

Action step: After verbal instructions or agreements, send follow-up emails with phrases like, "To confirm our discussion today, I'll be proceeding with X approach by Y deadline."

2. Seek External Validation

Consult trusted colleagues about your perceptions to counteract the isolation gaslighters create.

Action step: Without accusatory language, ask questions like, "What was your understanding of the

timeline discussed in yesterday's meeting?"

3. Set and Maintain Boundaries

Clearly communicate your boundaries while remaining professional. This might include limiting one-on-one interactions or requiring written communication for important matters.

Action step: Practice direct statements like, "I prefer to discuss project requirements in team settings where we can all align on expectations."

4. Focus on Facts, Not Interpretations

When confronting potential gaslighting, stick to observable behaviors rather than assumed intentions.

Action step: Instead of saying, "You're trying to make me look bad," try, "The email states the deadline as Friday, which contradicts what you said in the meeting just now."

5. Preserve Your Self-Trust

Maintain a strong internal validation system by regularly acknowledging your skills and accomplishments.

Action step: Keep a weekly "reality journal" documenting your achievements, positive feedback, and successful interactions to reference when self-doubt creeps in.

6. Build a Support Network

Develop relationships with colleagues, mentors, or industry peers who can provide perspective and support.

Action step: Join professional groups or find a mentor outside your immediate work environment who can offer objective feedback on situations.

7. Know When to Escalate or Exit

Sometimes the most appropriate response involves formal reporting to HR or leaving the environment altogether.

Action step: Research your organization's harassment policies and document instances of gaslighting that violate these policies. If necessary, begin discreetly exploring other opportunities.

Creating Psychological Safety: The Nice Leader's Approach to Preventing Gaslighting

Leaders play a crucial role in either enabling or preventing workplace gaslighting. Those committed to psychological safety can implement these strategies:

1. Model Transparency and Accountability

Leaders who openly acknowledge mistakes and accept feedback demonstrate that vulnerability is compatible with competence.

Implementation: Begin meetings by sharing a recent mistake and what you learned from it. Explicitly thank team members who point out oversights in your work.

2. Establish Clear Communication Norms

Create systems that reduce ambiguity and opportunities for manipulation.

Implementation: Ask for shared meeting notes, project management tools with assignment tracking, and clear decision documentation processes.

3. Validate Diverse Communication Styles

Recognize that different team members express and receive information differently, reducing the potential for genuine misunderstandings that can enable gaslighting.

Implementation: During onboarding, have team members share their communication preferences and styles. Reference these preferences when conflicts arise.

4. Address Gaslighting Behavior Directly

When you observe manipulative communication, address it promptly and specifically.

Implementation: Use private feedback conversations framed around impact rather than intent: "When you said Susan hadn't contributed to the project, it contradicted the project logs showing her substantial work. This created confusion and hurt feelings."

5. Create Multiple Feedback Channels

Ensure team members have various avenues to share concerns, reducing the isolation that enables gaslighting.

Implementation: Beyond direct manager feedback, establish skip-level meetings, anonymous reporting options, and peer feedback mechanisms.

6. Practice Empathetic Leadership

Demonstrate genuine care for your team members' experiences and perceptions, even when they differ from yours.

Implementation: Use phrases like, "That's not how I remember our conversation, but I value your perspective. Let's figure out where the disconnect happened so we can move forward productively."

7. Implement Consequences for Gaslighting Behavior

Establish that manipulation and reality distortion violate company values and will trigger appropriate responses.

Implementation: Include specific language about psychological safety in team charters and company values. Reference these standards when addressing problematic behavior.

When Kindness Meets Strength: Balancing Empathy and Boundaries

Leaders often worry that addressing gaslighting behavior conflicts with being "nice" or kind. This represents a fundamental misconception about effective leadership. True kindness isn't about avoiding conflict or accepting manipulative behavior; it's about creating environments where everyone can thrive through honest, respectful communication.

Sandy, a business director known for her supportive leadership style, faced this challenge when a senior team member regularly gaslighted junior staff. Initially hesitant to address the behavior directly, Sandy worried about seeming harsh or confrontational. However, she realized that by avoiding the issue, she was enabling harmful behavior that damaged her team's wellbeing and productivity.

Sandy scheduled a private conversation with the team member, clearly outlined the specific behaviors she'd observed, explained their impact on the team, and established clear expectations moving forward. She approached the conversation with compassion – acknowledging workplace pressures that might be contributing to the behavior – while maintaining firm boundaries about acceptable communication.

This balance of empathy and strength exemplifies how kind leaders can effectively address gaslighting:

• They understand that true kindness sometimes requires difficult conversations

• They focus on specific behaviors rather than character judgments

• They offer support for change while maintaining clear consequences

• They recognize that protecting team psychological safety is an act of genuine care

By reframing addressing gaslighting as an expression of care rather than conflict, empathetic leaders can maintain their authentic leadership style while creating healthier work environments.

Recovering from Workplace Gaslighting: Rebuilding Trust and Confidence

If you've experienced prolonged gaslighting at work, recovery extends beyond addressing the immediate situation. These strategies help rebuild professional confidence:

1. Recalibrate Your Reality

Systematically review past situations that caused self-doubt, now applying your clearer perspective.

Action step: Create three columns: the situation as you experienced it, how the gaslighter framed it, and the most likely objective reality based on evidence.

2. Rebuild Decision-Making Confidence

Practice making small decisions without seeking excessive validation, gradually rebuilding trust in your judgment.

Action step: Set weekly goals to make professional decisions within your authority without consulting others, starting with low-stakes choices and progressing to more significant ones.

3. Establish New Professional Relationships

Cultivate connections based on mutual respect and clear communication to replace damaged relationships.

Action step: Identify colleagues or industry professionals known for integrity and directness. Invest in these relationships through genuine professional exchange.

4. Redefine Success Metrics

Create personal definitions of professional success based on internal values rather than external validation.

Action step: Write your own "professional mission statement" outlining your values and how you'll measure your contributions independent of others' opinions.

5. Consider Professional Support

Work with coaches or therapists specializing in workplace trauma and confidence rebuilding.

Action step: Research professionals with expertise in workplace psychological safety and recovery from manipulative environments.

Transforming Workplace Culture: Beyond Individual Interactions

While individual responses to gaslighting are crucial, lasting change requires organizational transformation. Forward-thinking companies implement these systemic approaches:

1. Explicit Anti-Gaslighting Policies

Progressive organizations now include specific language about reality distortion and psychological manipulation in their harassment policies.

Example: "Communication that deliberately contradicts documented facts, distorts past interactions, or undermines reasonable perceptions violates our commitment to psychological safety."

2. Leadership Training on Psychological Safety

Companies increasingly incorporate psychological safety modules into management development programs.

Example: Training leaders to distinguish between productive disagreement and reality manipulation through case studies and role-playing scenarios.

3. Reward Systems for Collaborative Behavior

Organizations evolve compensation and promotion criteria to include measures of collaborative communication and team psychological health.

Example: Including peer feedback about communication style and trust-building in performance evaluations.

4. Regular Cultural Assessment

Forward-thinking companies implement regular assessment of psychological safety alongside traditional engagement metrics.

Example: Anonymous surveys measuring employees' comfort in expressing concerns, reporting mistakes, and trusting their perceptions within their teams.

Creating a Gaslighting-Resistant Future of Work

As remote and hybrid work arrangements continue expanding, organizations face both challenges and opportunities in addressing workplace gaslighting. Digital communication can increase documentation (helpful for combating gaslighting) while reducing non-verbal cues (potentially enabling misinterpretation).

Progressive workplaces implement these forward-looking practices:

• Communication guidelines specific to digital interaction that reduce manipulation opportunities

• Transparent decision documentation accessible to all relevant stakeholders

• Regular reality-checking sessions where teams align on project status and expectations

• Leadership modeling of healthy questioning and learning orientation

By combining individual awareness, leadership commitment, and organizational policies, workplaces can significantly reduce gaslighting while creating environments where honest communication and psychological safety flourish.

The workplace of the future isn't just about technological advancement but psychological evolution—creating spaces where reality distortion finds no fertile ground and every team member's perception is treated with fundamental respect.

Keep Reading:

1. Workplace Bullying Institute: "Impact of Workplace Bullying on Individuals" - https://workplacebullying.org/

2. Harvard Business Review: "The Psychology of Gaslighting in the Workplace" - https://hbr.org/2022/05/the-psychology-behind-gaslighting-in-the-workplace

3. American Psychological Association: "Psychological Safety at Work" - https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/psychological-safety

4. Society for Human Resource Management: "How to Address Gaslighting in the Workplace" - https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/hr-topics/people-managers/pages/addressing-gaslighting-in-the-workplace-.aspx

5. Journal of Business Ethics: "The Ethics of Psychological Safety in the Workplace" - https://link.springer.com/journal/10551